Stupid List 2

The list of people who need a Damn Good Rogering
(Note: This list was made in early 2001)

George Dubya - If he had himself some decent sex maybe he wouldn't be so uptight about the porn industry and he'd just let it be.

Oprah - A bit of hot sex might assist in jumping off the self-help bandwagon and getting on with living her life. It would probably work better than a diet as well.

Diane Sawyer - Bugger sending baskets and soft focus ego shots, just shag your guests. Would make for a far more interesting interview technique.

Eminem - It would give him something else to sing about. Instead of wanting to beat up women, he'd just want to screw them and go home. Then they could give grammys to people who really deserve it.

The Taliban in Afghanistan - Now these guys really, really, really need some sex. They're blowing up statues because Allah tells them to. He also tells them not to have sex, not to look at women, not to shave... no wonder they're so stressed.

Hilary Clinton - Needs a damned good rogering because it's about time she caught up with Bill

John Travolta - It might screw some sense into him about this Scientology stuff. There need never have been a Battlefield Earth, if only he'd got his end in earlier.

Haute Couture Fashion Designers - It doesn't help that they're gay, but if they actually had some decent sex with women they may be more inclined to create dresses made out of something other than a paperclip and toilet paper.

The Cast of Survivor - I'm from Australia, and I know that having a lot of sex is a sure way of avoiding being eaten by a bloody great crocodile.*

Ronald McDonald - This man is dressed by his mother. If he could find him a good woman, he might decide that white facial makeup is not necessarily the best look for him.

The Cast of Friends - If they all rogered one another, then they could just finish the series and the network would save $9 million an episode.

The Teletubbies - These guys are so deprived of sex they've turned to drugs. Have you seen this show??? The purple one might be less inclined to carry a handbag if he could a) find his penis and b) get it on, maybe with that obscene looking vacuum cleaner with eyes.

Nike - If the executives at Nike got sex more often, they may start looking at the world in a friendlier light, and realise that sweatshops may not necessarily be the best way to conduct their business.

Bill Gates - Yep, he's the biggest nerd in the world, so getting more sex may not be an option, but if he could just have a little more fun, maybe he'd learn there's other methods of sexual enjoyment other than deliberately creating bug-filled computer programs.

* Note. A National Parks and Wildlife Pamphlet that I just found under my bed suggests that sexual satisfaction has not yet been effectively proven to be an effective crocodile repellent. But come on, all we really want to see on Survivor is sex and people being eaten by large reptiles.